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We've stopped shouting at the telly to make these things so promise you'll try to enjoy 'em.

James Browns Trouser Timber

Hey Descartes that’s a brothers name, now shut up and dance with Deshawn.

His urine, were it to be tested, had more funky-ness than is legal in several countries. His tunes forced us to throw far too many shapes to actually tune into anything other than ‘the vibe’, the groove, the James Brown, if you will, thang.

A serious contemplation of his sizzling sonnets is well past due and I aim to put that right.

We were too busy dancing, to ever really listen to the lyrics, because we felt…good.

As an experiment ask the person next to you to sing any James Brown song. I bet you’ll just get a series of grunts and the occasional ‘Aow’. If anybody launches into a half decent rendition of ‘Its A Man’s World’ buy them a beer, If it’s a chick, buy them dinner and consider marrying them.

But his lyrics were much more than that. O.K. so he wasn’t the obvious social diarist of his class and race such as Marvin or Bill Withers, but a serious contemplation of his sizzling sonnets is well past due and I aim to put that right.

In the song I present to you now ‘Hot Pants’ we learn…
a) What one should do if one was considering losing that funky feeling (Don’t!)
b) That there is something that looks better than time. Physicists, engage brain now.

There is sage advice to all women about how to get ahead, the importance of self image (‘YOU make the pants’, ergo the pants don’t make YOU) a point elaborated on in the last verse as he considers the inherent fickleness of fashion (I still dig that mess). James Brown, poet, nay, prophet…wid yo’ bad self…Hearmenow…Hit Me!

The video version I present below is actually from a rehearsal so the lyrics aren’t the official version cited in this article, they are included under the video, he was, probably, y’know, just trying stuff out seeing as no-one was really looking. I include it though because just check out the passion and then check out the band, ‘tight as a lady gnats nether regions’ and as Prince so elegantly put it, ‘ready to turn on dime’ at any given moment or gesture from the Godfather himself.

 

HOT PANTS

One-two One-Two-Three uh!

Hot pants- hey hot pants uh! Smokin’
Hot pants- smokin’ that-hot pants

That’s where it’s at a-that’s where it’s at
Take your fine self home
It looks much better than time
My fever keeps growin’
Girl you’re blowin’ my mind

Thinkin’ of loosin that funky feelin’ don’t uh!
Cause you got to use just what you got
To get just what you want-a
Hey hu’
Hot pants! Hey ! Hot pants smokin’!
Hot pants make ya sure of yourself -good Lord
You walk like you got the only lovin’ left hey
So brother- if you’re thinkin’ of loosin’ that feelin’
Then don’t- ha
Cause a woman got to use what she got
To get just what she wants hey!
Hey hotpants
A-look a-hot pants won’t make ya dance
But as slick as you are-ah! YOU make the pants
Uh! hey brother- do ya like it?
The girl over there with the funky pants on ha!
She can ah! do the chicken all night long
The girl over there with the hot pants on uh!
She can do the Funky Broadway all night long

The girl over there with the hot pants on
Filthy MacNasty* all night long
Get down hu! the one over there
With the mini dress ha!
I ain?t got time- I still dig that mess
Get down! but I like the hot pants
Hey! I like a hot pants

(Short Instrumental)

Ooooh! Bring it home!
One more! Hit me! Aaay!
Bring it home! Bring it home!
Oh uh! Bring it on home
Bring it on home…

* Filthy MacNasty was a dance hit of the time by Horace Silver, (vox by Eddie Jefferson) and not a famous ‘Irish’ pub in London frequented by Johnny Depp and (the tediously smacked off his tits) genius Pete Doherty.

Nor bizarrely a sidekick of Children’s novel superhero called Melvin Beederman.

 

 

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